So many of us have a loved one who is struggling with sobriety.
Did you know there was a difference between loving that person and enabling that person? No need explain what love is, we know that. But enabling is when we love someone so much, we don't see that we are helping them stay in their situation longer.
When we love someone, we can get angry and confuse that love for hate. We don't truly hate them, we hate what they are doing.
When we are loyal to someone, we won't leave their side no matter what. We all have loyalties, whether they are genuine or not.
When we continue to feed a person who we know is probably stealing or manipulating our families for money or something, we are basically helping them damage their lives.
So many of you are sitting there scratching your heads right now.
What are you supposed to do now? Well, we are not in the business of telling you what to do, we are simply exploring a different approach to our common issues because so many of us are lost trying to be found.
If you go to church, you hear the word discernment a lot. If you go to your kupuna, they will tell you to follow your na'au. This is basically the same thing. Discernment is knowing when to say yes or no. It is following your gut instinct on a basic decision.
Sometimes you have to let the person you love suffer their consequences. But that doesn't mean for you to be cruel about it, throw it in their faces, or make them suffer. Let their choices sink in and give them time to figure it out. This is true love and loyalty because instead of them making the bad choice and your ohana suffering the consequences, they suffer their own consequences which will ultimately help them get out of their situation sooner.
This does not mean for you to stop encouraging them to do better. This does not mean that you get fed up and cut them off. It simply means that you sit them down and explain to them that no matter how much you love them, you have to protect everyone they are hurting, with their choices, and you let them know to call you when they just need to talk it out, when they need to hear your voice and in dire emergency. But you stand firm that you will not be able to finance any part of their choices, as long as their choices hurt their loved ones.
Make sure they know that so many people love them and are hurt by their choices. Try not to raise your voice or show anger. Remember that you are only talking facts. They already feel the emotion, trust that. Then excuse yourself quick, so that can be the lingering part of the conversation. They are going to need time to really sink that in and process it. Go, leave, pray and love on your family. That person will be back when they are ready.
Sweet.
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